Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
