man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
