Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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