I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
