This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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