I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
