the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
