keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
