So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
