this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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