You can't special order awesome
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
