i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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