There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
