Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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