i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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