Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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