I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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