well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
