i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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