Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
