I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
