and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
