there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
