Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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