she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
This is the high leading the old right now
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
