you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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