I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
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i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
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Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
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