Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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