so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
