we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
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you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
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When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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