Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
