i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
