I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Randomize
