Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
