You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
