Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
