Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
