Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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