Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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