Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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