last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I want a musical about memes.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
