My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize