if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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