umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
