My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
