I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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