don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
