Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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