do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
