A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I love you. Go after that dick
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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