Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
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