fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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