i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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