I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
