I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
