I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
