I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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