I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Come on in and take your pants off
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