Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
