Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
