if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
