after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
