He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
