Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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