my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
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