he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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