The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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