...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
