I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He called his prostate his "boner button".
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
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