the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
