you have to choose: penises or morals?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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