I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
