shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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