I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
