I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
